The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

Redactor's Note: The White Shoe Irregular is officially closed for business. Other projects are taking more of my time, and I'm tired of apologizing for infrequent updates to this site. Since July 24, 2000, we have published nearly 300 pieces by over 100 authors. I am proud of their work and intend to leave it online as long as possible. In lieu of new entries, the main page now features some of our greatest hits—a White Shoe Primer, if you will.

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The White Shoe Primer

If you haven't made your way through our archives yet, please do so. You will not be disappointed. If you've read every piece on the site twice, we say, A third time wouldn't hurt. If you're on a slightly tighter schedule, here are a few of our favorite pieces to introduce you to the site. Enjoy.

Proposed Transcript of an Episode of MTV Cribs, to Be Filmed at My House
[Ryan Hamilton | 31 December 2002]
You can see we've got a refrigerator, a dishwasher, a toaster, a crock pot, and a George Foreman Grill. We use all of them from time to time…

To Milton (a translation)
[Marilyn Nelson | 20 February 2001]
Milton, your soul lived galaxies away, And one could drown beneath your soggy prose…

[Scott Smith | 6 April 2001]
I would show my mother that the bird seed she had fed me as an infant had gone to my heart, not just my stomach…

[Monica Sabia | 12 February 2001]
Honey, you sure are looking good, I can't think of anything but you, I think about you all the time…

On His Ninety-Ninth Birthday, Strom Thurmond Looks for Some Action
[Senator Strom Thurmond and Colleagues | 12 December 2001]
I want to thank all of you. I appreciate every one of you, especially you ladies. You're all good looking…

Voices from Nature
[Matt Summers | 2 November 2000]
Maybe a poacher got him. Maybe a coyote. Maybe he acts in cereal commercials. Maybe they pour milk on him…

Block, Copy, or Destroy?
[Weston Cann | 20 September 2000]
Welcome to Universal Imaging Services. My name is Tanya. How may I be of service today?…

Judas Walked Slower
[Joseph Hunt | 8 November 2000]
Judas walked slower than the other apostles when they went on promenades…

The Billboard Top 40 Songs Improved by Replacing "Heart" with "Horse"
[Matthew Warnick | 11 October 2002]
Toni Braxton — Unbreak My Horse…

An Exercise in Sentence Diagramming
[Michael Madsen | 27 September 2000]
At home in the doublewide, an unceasingly conscientious Leona always employs discarded peach can lids for coasters…

Only in America: Jim Trafficant's Recent One-Minute Speeches
[Representative James A. Traficant, Jr. | 7 May 2001]
I advise all men in America against taking women to drive-in movies who may end up getting shot in a passionate embrace…

Direct English Translation of "Do Re Mi," from the Israeli Soundtrack to The Sound of Music
[William DeFord | 24 July 2000]
Mi, all the people in the neighborhood…

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