The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

Selections from Customer Reviews of The Brothers Karamazov, Posted on

Quinn Warnick

• For those ambitious enough to experience this magnificent literary accomplishment be warned: it is one of the most powerful texts you will ever read. It is literature's counterpart to plutonium.

• Its serialized plot-line and suspense-filled action will more than satisfy any Stephen King reader or soap opera fanatic.

• Are you having trouble in your life? Falling behind in your bills? Problems communicating with the husband/wife/significant other? Murderous thoughts coursing through your brain? Then THIS is a novel for YOU.

• Just like the O.J. Simpson case, Dmitri Karamazov is accused of a crime he believes he did not commit. And, just like the Simpson trial, all of St. Petersburgh has an opinion on the matter. Find out what REALLY happened.

• Even if I ultimately wind up in hell and thus miss out on the chance to chat with God in heaven, I will always be eternally grateful that the greatest novel ever written, The Brothers Karamozov, and the second-greatest novel ever written, A Prayer for Owen Meany, were a part of my life here on Earth.

• It's got intrigue! Romance! Greed! Betrayal! Passion! Murder! Gypsies! Desperation! Jealousy! Even brain fever!

• If you want to become a first-class intellectual, just buy this tape and listen to it on your way to work.

• Although I have enjoyed her vibrant, subtle performances in such movies as Shadowlands and Black Widow, I am sorry to report that Debra Winger bashes to bits any pleasure that might otherwise be gleaned from listening to the Brothers Karamazov on tape. Winger reads the entire book like she has to go to the bathroom … the result is that one feels like every paragraph is the climax of the story, and that every character is a cocaine addict who can't score any blow.

• Who was it that said Shakespeare was the greatest tradegy penner? Certainly not I.

• First of all let me say that if an author wants to sell books in this country, then use some american names for gosh sake! How in the H E double toothpicks am I suppossed to remember who's who? The fact is you can't. … If you want to read about crime and punishment, how's about a little grisham. But this guy fred dostoyefski is going to have to write a little bit more towards his intended audience. My advice to you Freddy if you read this: Russia went down with the Berlin wall, let's write some good old fashion mystery thrilllers!

• Anyone who says that this guy is a bad writer or that his work is hard to follow is full of &@#%!

• I think it doesn't translate very well from russian. I think I counted the word "supercilious" used at least 5 times.

• The Brothers Karamazov is the most profoundly philosophical book ever written (except, perhaps, Ayan Rand's Atlas Shrugged).

• I am going to cry if anyone again dares mention Ayn Rand in the company of greats like Dostoevsky again. For some reason, two reviews already have compared Atlas Shrugged with The Brothers Karamozov and it truly frightens me. One is a book of indelible beauty, one is best used for dog training. Read them both [if you have time to waste on rand] and see which is which.

• Some say it's the best book ever written by a human being — and i add: the best book ever written by living creature.

• The wonderful thing about his work is it is as easy to read as a prime time soap opera is to watch.

• I would recommend the movie instead if there is one.

• Besides the Holy Bible, no other book has influenced my life more than The Brothers Karamazov.

• Silly and sentimental mush.

• This book is all about some badly behaved brothers and their mean father and how they do nothing but shout and drink and threaten one another and are lewd and then, one of them anyway, goes to England, or at least he wants to. You call that a story?

• Alyosha's speech at the end of the book is the most poignant, emotive, inspirational take on dealing with death that has ever come out of a human mind and is reason enough to read this masterpiece (though there are countless others). I will never, ever forget it, and to this day, 15 years after having read the book, every time I re-read that passage I cry my eyes out. And this country boy doesn't EVER cry.

• Russian literature smells like rotten streets, but in a good way.

• This is the book that should be shot out into space for the extraterrestrials. You want to know about mankind and this place called earth, you nether-dwellers of the cosmos? Well, here it is.

• This is one of the greatest books ever not written in Dactylic Hexameter.

• It was sooooooo boring. Maybe I'm not patient or something but after 200 pages it didn't seem to be going anywhere. All I had learned was that the brothers didn't like their father.

• Many times I wanted to throw the book in the garbage.

• Best ever ever literature.

• I wouldn't waste your time, maybe read the cliff's notes.

• The story focuses on three Gen X brothers, Dmitry, Alexi and Ivan, coming to terms with relationships and careers in the ironic and apathetic late-90s. Dmitry is the party kid, recklessly drinking and gambling and picking up loose women. His character is clearly inspired by the anti-heroes of Jay McInernery and Bret Easton Ellis. Then there's the thoughtful college student Ivan. He is wracked with indecision as he finds that his philosophy courses have only prepared him for jobs at the local Safeway. The youngest, Alexi, is the good kid — a former altar boy with a big heart and an eye for good deeds. … Their troubled household is clearly inspired by some of the seminal writings of S. E. Hinton. When the father unexpectedly dies, the plot takes a 180 degree turn and we suddenly find ourselves in an intense Law & Order style courtroom drama. Look out O.J.! Solving this crazy whodunit becomes a real brain twister. Lovers of teen drama and mystery novels alike will have to exercise considerable restraint to avoid sneaking a peek at the surprise ending!

• Personally, I like short, contemporary novels.