The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

My Day at Rodeo Clown College

Bit and Bitter

[Bit and Bitter are Ryan " (phrase with 'bit' in it) " Hamilton and Ryan "festering canker of bitterness" Honaker]

[This has been a rough week, and frankly, we didn't have time to come up with anything funny. ("As opposed to what you usually come up with?" you glibly ask yourself.) So we're pawning the responsibility off onto you, gentle reader. Welcome to Bit and Bitter, Mad Lib edition. Please fill out the following blanks and hilarity is sure to ensue! (NOTE: hilarity is not guaranteed)]

Through the influence of    (U.S. Congressman)   , we were able to gain a special one-week tourist's visa to the most    (adjective)    of all institutions of learning: Springdell, Colorado's    (British Prime Minister)    School of Rodeo Clownery. We knew that our experience was sure to be    (adverb)       (adjective)   , but we could only don our big red floppy    (plural article of clothing)    and hope for the best.

Rodeo clowns aren't scary and freaky like regular clowns or    (your favorite Aunt)   They're not scary, but they should be. When it comes    (direction)      to it, rodeo clowns are nothing more than cowboys in drag — assuming you consider clown makeup drag. Which apparently the police department of    (tiny town name)     ,    (compass point)      Dakota does. Trust us. Which gives rise to the question: why    (slang term for cross-dressing)   ? Would the cowboys in lipstick distract bulls as well if the bulls were also cross-dressing? What if it were cows    (verb ending in -ing)    horns? These are questions for minds much    (comparative illumination level)    than ours.

The course load was exhausting. We had to take classes in    (something normal)   ,    (something else normal)   , and    (something zany)   . The most challenging part of the week was having to memorize the words to    (song comparing rodeo to love)    by    (absolutely any country-western singer)   . That was    (adjective with four letters)   .

Barrel-hiding, we learned, is the most important skill a rodeo clown can master. In    (word for anger)    of what the name implies, barrel-hiding does not mean hiding a barrel, but rather    (verb ending in -ing)    in    (indefinite article)    barrel. As you know, barrels are used to protect rodeo clowns from    (national monument)    after the riders get bucked off. We also learned that the phrase, "Easy as shooting a rodeo clown in a barrel,   (quotation punctuation)    is not well    (past-tense verb)    by rodeo clowns.

Perhaps the best way to sum-up our week-long rodeo clown college experience is to say it was    (future perfect participle phrase)   , and    (gerundial clause)       (verb declension of common conjugation)    with    (supra-segmentalized subordinate transitive verbal clause)       (favorite piece of wicker furniture)   !

[NOTE: Any complaints about the humorous content of this column should be directed to you, because you are the one who decided how funny this article would be. If you didn't find this one funny, you really have no one to blame but yourself. So get back in there and give it another shot, Sparky.]