The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

CSU Stockton Announces New Program in E-Commerce

William Morris

For immediate release Contact: Lisa Thomas Office of Public Affairs and Catering (209) 379-XXXX

STOCKTON, CA — California State University Stockton's Business School will begin offering an undergraduate business degree in e-commerce starting this fall.

CSU Stockton President Willard T. Powell announced the new program to a group of local business and political leaders at the Elks Lodge 'Winter Wonderland' social last Tuesday.

"With this new program, CSU Stockton is poised to lead our students and the local community out into the wild frontier of 21st century business practices," said President Powell. "The university has to quickly adapt to the new speed of business, and this program will aid us in our dedicated mission to be on the cutting edge of higher education."

President Powell also said that he wanted to be clear that the new program was a step forward, but not away from Stockton's proud tradition as the center of the California trucking industry.

"Considering our status as the outermost bedroom community of Silicon Valley, it only makes sense for us to have a program in e-commerce," said Business School Dean Jimmy (Junior) Milford. "When you add this to our already thriving degree offerings in Emu Farm Management and Trucking Logistics, it's clear that the university is preparing the students who will revolutionize the Stockton business community in the new millennium."

The first class in the e-commerce program, which will be offered next fall, is one in Internet Marketing and PR, to be taught by Associate Professor Mabel Beezley.

"I'm so excited about this opportunity," Beezley said enthusiastically. "We're going to study the latest trends in Internet marketing, like banner ads, meta-tags, and how to choose those quirky key rings and mouse pads that will help you build mindshare with business reporters and editors. I've already put together a portfolio of transparencies that I made at Kinko's of USA Today's Best Websites of 2000. With the Business School's newly purchased 'Slim 3000' titanium-base overhead projector in hand, I'll be able to expose my students to the best the Internet has to offer."

"Who knows?" she added. "If my 'CSU Innovative Teaching Award' comes through I might even buy a couple of those Website building kits that that plaid shirt guy from 'Home Improvement' is always selling on Channel 26. I'm even thinking about taking the eighty-mile drive into San Jose to see a Sharks game and just soak in the e-commerce climate."

In the wake of Tuesday's announcement, Brad (Homeboy) Ketayian, a twenty-four-year-old sophomore at CSU Stockton, is thinking of completing a double major by adding the e-commerce program to his already stated degree objective of Air-conditioning Sales, Installation, and Repair.

"Think about it g-dog," he said. "With my current career path I'll be doing sales maybe as far north as the trailer park near I-5 and maybe as south as Pea Soup Anderson's. But with a Website, I could be getting orders for swamp cooling units from places like Russia or Burma. With a fly site, the world be Homeboy's customer pool!"

Dean Milford expects there to be high interest from other Stockton students in the new e-commerce program as well. He also said that the reports that President Powell told the Elks Lodge members that "we'll show those fools at the University of Phoenix that they're not the only ones that can teach this cyber-crap to their students" were not true and were probably made up by "unsavory, foreign elements from the Stockton community."

CSU Stockton is the twenty-third largest member of the twenty-four campus California State University system. Go Gearjammers!