The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

A Date Movie Timetable

Matt Summers

Are you tired of date movies selling out on opening weekend? Me, too. We need tickets to these Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Julia Stiles movies! For cinema!

In an effort to help us secure seats, I have observed opening-weekend date movie audiences while standing outside my local cineplex's ticket window during the past three rainy Friday nights.

I've analyzed my observations, and have calculated the optimal time to arrive before showtime. Feel free to print and clip this table.

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7:30 screening.
Chances of obtaining tickets are excellent if you arrive at least thirty minutes before showtime.

8:40 screening.
In order to secure a ticket, arrive at least forty minutes before screening time. If it rains, share your jacket with your girlfriend (boyfriend, spouse, et cetera), as many couples did last weekend. Dates are always appreciative.

9:30 screening.
Be sure to arrive at least forty-five minutes in advance of showtime. Beware! This film will sell out, as lots of couples see this screening. I had a girlfriend until three weeks ago. She dumped me for some guy she works with at the newspaper's movie section.

10:45 screening.
Arrive at least forty minutes before showtime, as by 10:05, ticketholders will have already lined up for their seats. Aside from movie crowds, my Friday nights are desolate. Rain is a welcome companion.

12:00 screening.
I miss her so. I'd go out with her again. I'd stay with her. Failing that, I'd arrive at least seventy-five minutes before showtime, as many ticketholders will claim their spots in line as soon as the 10:45 screening begins. Should you arrive late or just happen to glance at another woman, or, okay, once (once!) I went out with someone else to a movie in a way that could be interpreted as a date — there will be no seats.

12:30 screening.
But this isn't about seeing a movie anyway.

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All times are based on Eastern Standard Time.

Accurate recommended time of arrival varies. Arrive an additional thirty minutes before local timetables say the movie will begin, as we all know that humans, particularly a human who works at a newspaper in the movie section, can make mistakes. This person might ask out an individual she does not really want to be with, but then realize this too late.

But maybe it's not too late?

Maybe if someone said to me, "I'm sorry. I'm truly, truly sorry, Rory," I'd say, "Not nearly as sorry as I am, Darlin' Pie." Then we'd change, and we'd completely understand one another, and we'd be fine.

We could forget about all this.

We could eat at her favorite Vietnamese restaurant, then arrive at least forty-five minutes in advance of a 9:30 date movie. After the show we'd run home in the rain beneath the same umbrella. At home, we'd strip, hop into bed, then wrap our warm bodies around one another. It wouldn't be just like old times. It would be better: together, warm, dry, out of the rain.

Theater capacity varies.