The White Shoe Irregular:
It was fun while it lasted.

The White Shoe Very Short Story Contest

The White Shoe Staff

[Important Note: Although this page is archived as it originally appeared, this contest is over. Please do not enter this contest. Thank you.]

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Warning: A contest this competitive has not been conducted since the last round of submissions at The International Library of Poetry. Read on at your own peril…

General Guidelines

• Write a short story containing no more than one hundred words, title included. Multiple entries are welcome.

• Submit each entry separately to submit [at] whiteshoe [dot] org by 1 September 2000. Put the words "Short Story Contest" in the subject line.

• These are the only guidelines.

The Judging Process

That line your gym teacher fed you about there not being any losers was a lie. This contest will have both winners and losers, the number of winners being a mere fraction of the number of losers. This rule will hold true if at least two entries are received — in which case there will be one winner and one loser, producing a (mere) fraction of one-half.

Judging will be conducted by unpaid volunteers, who, when filling out the census, may not have claimed English as their native language. Our advice: be creative, but avoid these phrases:

• Peeping Tom
• Quid pro quo
• Injection molding
• Collective bargaining
• Honky-tonk
• Mobius strip
• Walter Mitty
• Federalist Papers
• Pommel horse

The Awarding of Prizes

In addition to being published by The White Shoe Irregular (reason enough to enter, we might suggest), the winner(s) of this contest will be asked to choose as a prize one of the following volumes, procured by the redactor especially for this contest:

Historic Inns of the Northeast, photographs by Alan Briere, text by Hal Gieseking. [from the jacket: "Historic Inns of the Northeast introduces you to all the charm, comfort, and excitement of the region's celebrated lodging places. Unlike other guides to historic inns, this is a fully illustrated volume with full-color photographs by noted photographer Alan Briere, all of which were commissioned especially for this volume."]

Uncle John's Absolutely Absorbing Bathroom Reader, by the Bathroom Readers' Institute. [from the back cover: "Spend a minute with the Quickies, relax with Regular-Length articles, or get really comfortable and turn to our Extended Sitting Section."]

Night of the Crash-Test Dummies: A Far Side Collection, by Gary Larson. [from the back cover: "ISBN 0-8362-2049-8"]

P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. [from the cover: "When Mom wrote she always saved the best for last."]

Fat Cats, by edited by J.C. Suarès. [from the jacket: "Meet Himmy, who weighs in at 46 pounds, and Marvin, an English cat who grew up on a gourmet diet of venison, Scotch salmon, steak, vitamins, and ice cream. These truly remarkable animals are the picture of contentment — to say the least!"]

A Final Note

Enter this contest. We are not kidding around. Books! They could be yours! Why haven't you entered this contest yet? Are you insane? Other people may have already entered — do you want them to have the edge? Let us answer for you: No! You do not want anyone to have the edge except yourself. You get sick to your stomach just thinking about it. You meet people on the street and ask them if they have entered the contest, just so you can follow them home and incapacitate them. "What contest?" they ask, and you laugh at them, never letting on that you read this page or that you plan to enter multiple times. "I don't know what contest you're talking about!" you scream, running, running, running into the night, home to your computer, praying silent prayers that your Juno connection will work.