The White Shoe Irregular

404: A Story for Misguided Readers


"Hello, you've reached the White Shoe Help Line. How may I help you?"

"Yes, I was looking for a specific page, but it doesn't seem to exist."

"One moment please…[sound of humming, followed by a muffled burp]…Okay, I pulled your screen up and it looks like you've got a 404 error."

"What does that mean?"

"Internet lingo for 'file not found.' Some geek thought it up."

"Aren't you a geek?"

"Who you callin' a geek, fool?"

"I mean, you do work at a web help line, right?"

"That don't make no geek outta me, sucka."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, sucka. Geez. I pity the fool that can't navigate a website."

"Wait a minute…is this Mr. T?"

"Who wants to know?"

"This is Murdock. I'm back in rehab. What are you doing answering phones?"

"Things went way down hill after the A-Team man. Nobody wants to touch the chains, nobody wants to eat Mr. T's crispy corn cereal. Sly won't even call me back about a bit part in the next Rocky. Brother can't find a job in this town."

"Tell me about it. Being crazy is great when you've got your own show, but as soon as the Neilsen ratings drop, bam, it's back to the psych ward."

"You belong in the psych ward, fool. All those times you tried to make weapons out of old PVC pipe and empty oxygen tanks…"

"Those were the days, weren't they, T?"

"I don't miss those days. You and Hannibal always spikin' my food, trying to get me on one of them crazy fool airplanes. I'm glad to be working the help line. Steady job. No planes."

"So what about that error message?"

"Right. I think I got it figured out. I put a link at the bottom of your screen that will take you back to the home page. You see it?"

"Yeah, I see it."

"Then click it, fool. And stop wastin' my time. Enough jibba-jabba — Mr. T's got work to do."

[Click here to return to the home page.]